{"id":2365,"date":"2022-06-13T03:29:14","date_gmt":"2022-06-13T03:29:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/?p=2365"},"modified":"2022-06-13T03:31:36","modified_gmt":"2022-06-13T03:31:36","slug":"reflections-cultural-dysphoria","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/2022\/06\/13\/reflections-cultural-dysphoria\/","title":{"rendered":"Reflections: CULTURAL DYSPHORIA"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Cultural Dysphoria<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

These past months were one of those months where my mind couldn\u2019t stop wandering around because of my inner-self not being totally content (I probably never will find that spot) and continuously searching for new reasons of why I feel the way I feel being in my home country. I can\u2019t seem to find and create \u2018my home\u2019 no matter what I do and no matter where I live\u2026frustration sets in each time this topic arises because it seems like a riddle to me each time I put my thoughts to it. In this essay I will try to describe my feelings and thoughts to myself and hope that it can also help people understand the minds of multi-lingual as well as multi-cultural people\u2026aka world-citizens.

Dysphoria was a word I heard in the context of gender but I started to google it in regards to nationality and found that \u2018cultural dysphoria\u2019 is a real thing. I speak four languages and one will say \u2018so what, I speak 6 or 7 or whatever\u2019\u2026great, congrats to you, that\u2019s not the point smart-ass\u2026;-)
Let\u2019s leave the Russian language aside as it\u2019s the one I learned at a later stage of my life, while living and working in Moscow and being 30years old already. At that age you more or less already know who you are or at least who you are becoming or want to become. When you learn a new language at a later stage of life, you basically speak it with your inner self translating it from your foundational being unless you live long enough in one country to become a local. As I did with the other languages\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I learned the other three languages (Lithuanian, English & German) intrinsically or viscerally, however you want to call it. That means those are as natural as they come to me, with all the cultural nuances and meanings that are necessary to be understood properly when trying to express yourself within that \u2018tribe\u2019. There is a deeper meaning between each word in that particular language that I know how to use, with what intent and what tone and cadence.
Let\u2019s be honest here, being in a tribe is a real thing and one way to find your place is by expressing yourself and connecting with people within that tribe. It comes harder to me in Lithuania because of where I grew up, which is not Lithuania but I \u2018get\u2019 Lithuanians, I get how they think and what they think but I also \u2018get\u2019 that it doesn\u2019t fully represent my inner voice\/language.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s break it down so you know \u2018where I\u2019m coming from\u2019 and have a better idea of what I really mean.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning languages intrinsically means you don\u2019t only understand what they say but also understand what the culture MEANS and FEELS when they say something, with every possible under-tone as well as intent in their voice\u2026this is the nuance that makes the difference and challenges your identity day in day out when dealing with cultural changes on a regular basis. Much more importantly, it helps you understand the other person much better and sometimes you catch yourself thinking afterwards\u2026\u2019oooh that\u2019s why he thought that I was thinking\u2026\u2019..don\u2019t forget, there are layers to everything and a spectrum of people in all cultures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can also venture out into \u2018sub cultures\u2019 such as African American, Hispanics in the US, etc\u2026but that\u2019s for another day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shifting from one language to another by speaking it like a native means you become a native yourself for a day and it\u2019s for you to decide whether or not you like yourself as a native that day. Learning English in Australia as a foreigner is not the same as learning English in America as a foreigner, there is another layer to that\u2026just as there is a layer to \u201cLatin American-Spanish\u201d and \u201cSpain-Spanish\u201d, probably even more so if you go from country to country in Latin America but I can\u2019t speak to that, never done it, just speculating.
Also, a completely different thing when you speak English as a German to a Spanish person, who recently learned the language and is just learning to express himself by \u2018thinking Spanish\u2019 and translating to English as he speaks. You basically are trying to find common ground the whole time and navigate the waters in order to meet in the middle when two different natives speak in a third language. It\u2019s \u2018ground hunting\u2019 to make each other feel comfortable with communication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My advantage but also challenge in many different ways is that I learned three languages at the same time, with all the cultural background and insight that one needs to understand how a culture thinks and behaves in certain situations. Because of this fact, I feel and think like a completely different person in each of them. This sounds like I\u2019m \u2018tri-polar\u2019 (not sure this word exists, now it does) and in some sense it probably is that way but I know for a fact that my personality shines differently in each of those languages and helps me connect with people in completely different ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was born in Lithuania and I\u2019m still Lithuanian no matter what happens but I grew up in Germany from the age of six and people need to understand that I don\u2019t think like a person growing up in Lithuania even though my parents only spoke Lithuanian to me. Whereas Lithuanian people, or any other country for that matter, that grew up in one country will always see and interpret things from their own experiences and create their own version of \u2018the truth\u2019 based on their upbringing within that culture. The more \u2018narrow\u2019 your upbringing was (for whatever reason), the harder it will be to conceptualize another way of thinking. To you, only one way of thinking exists and just traveling and visiting other countries will not change your mindset a lot. That\u2019s why when I travel I try to go to as many different place as possible in order to meet people and understand their culture, their way of thinking and doing things in a certain way. It doesn\u2019t have to make sense to me but if I understand WHY it makes sense to THEM, I learned something new and it\u2019s their truth, which is totally fine. It\u2019s about acceptance and learning different angles. Just like in basketball, angles and perceptions of the big picture matter on every possession on both ends of the floor. Just like an elite defender, make the ball-handler THINK what you want him to THINK and force him into a turnover, or in communication, help him to get closer to your understanding of the world. For this to happen though, both parties have to be open-minded and accept each other\u2019s pasts in order to find each other in the middle.

My thoughts are based on the German as well as the American culture and not only that, that would be too general\u2026it\u2019s also based on a small-town, northern German foundation with a little bit of Midwest as well as South-East America sprinkled over it if we want to be specific. I started elementary school in the US when I was six and restarted it back in Germany when I was seven before moving to Louisiana & Arkansas after graduating in Germany.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s why you can also say that my personality has American humor, lifestyle as well as attitude sprinkled all over it, from a small community in the south where I spent my High School & University years. This is where my character blooms and shines in all different rainbow colors, different and unique in each of them. Whereas in Lithuania you see shades of the same colors of my personality but it\u2019s much more blurry, dull & often times misunderstood because it also comes across unnatural in many ways when trying to express myself authentically.
Humor is different because the intent is often times different. It\u2019s often times translated and comes out in \u2018non alphabetic order\u2019 (couldn\u2019t find another way of expressing it but with your imagination I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll get that too). I try to be myself in all possible situations, I avoid putting on a show to act like somebody else but I also have a hard time being myself in the Lithuanian language because of all the missing cultural nuances of my past, just too many gaps and not enough visceral knowledge to identify myself completely.
In all honesty, I don\u2019t like myself as much in my native tongue because it has been warped into something else that I don\u2019t recognize at times. Certainly, I adjust to the culture I\u2019m in, this is called cultural adaptation and it\u2019s certainly easier if you speak that language but it doesn\u2019t mean that it feels comfortable when in reality you are thinking like somebody else the whole time, another person within that person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not everyone will \u2018get this\u2019 but the ones who do will truly appreciate it and maybe even find some comfort in their own daily challenges and learn to embrace the different cultural situations that come when navigating the waters of a foreign language.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is my truth, it doesn\u2019t have to be your truth but explaining this from my side of the truth because of the things I was fortunate to see and feel growing up can hopefully trigger a sense of understanding and empathy as well as tolerance for people with different backgrounds on your side of the truth. I hope that this can push you to see it from a different perspective and not only from your own prism. Challenge yourself to remain open to the idea of a different truth being out there than just yours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are levels to everything, just like the spectrum of the colors of my personality, you will also find a spectrum of prisms that people see things from. There are also levels to languages and cultures, depending on how deeply you have learned other languages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Travel, explore, learn, engage yourself, be uncomfortable every once in a while, be open and don\u2019t be afraid to look stupid, laugh at yourself, don\u2019t take yourself too seriously, love and live your life but don\u2019t be stubborn on what you think \u2018a life\u2019 should look like. Be a good person first and foremost but also don\u2019t be afraid to put yourself out there, life is too short to just be \u201cin the middle\u201d all the time and walk around like a robot trying to fit-in. I feel different and I embrace it, so should you.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

People will think: \u201cwhy the hell is he sharing this?\u201d\u2026well, I wouldn\u2019t be myself if I didn\u2019t\u2026I wrote this to clarify things to myself first and foremost but also am hoping that this essay will touch some people as well and give them a sense of comfort in the end. It\u2019s not about the masses or the quantity of the people I reach\u2026I always go for quality, never for superficial quantity of BS. I hope I didn\u2019t waste your time with this\u2026\uf04a<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think and feel from a different perspective and different angle before judging a person for what you think they should be according to your truth. Your truth is not necessarily my truth, in fact it\u2019s not\u2026it\u2019s just another truth and it\u2019s ok, carry on.

Truth\u2026a nice topic to explore next time\u2026    <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cultural Dysphoria These past months were one of those months where my mind couldn\u2019t stop wandering around because of my […]<\/p>\nRead more <\/span><\/a>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2368,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[102,137],"tags":[321,156,320,293,319],"class_list":["post-2365","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","category-reflections","tag-background","tag-communication","tag-cultural-dysphoria","tag-cultures","tag-reflections"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2365","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2365"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2365\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2370,"href":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2365\/revisions\/2370"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2368"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2365"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2365"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bmatke.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2365"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}